IF ONLY I CAN LET GO
The whole chapter is dedicated to Abubakar Ismail (Yaya Abba), my number one supporting system, Allah ya kare mana Kai ya biya maka mafi kyawun buk’atunka. Ya baka mace ta gari.
*****
Grill
Too much of something is not good.
Ko data idar da sallahn bata fita ba, saboda bata san ta ina zata fara sanarwa Hajjah abunda yai mata ba hakan yasa tayi kwanciyarta. Waya ta d’auko ta kira Suleim sai dai ba tai picking ba murmushi tayi kawai ta kunna data, Pinterest ta shiga tana pinning latest arts d’in ta tare da duba downloads d’in ta da kuma likes. Murmushin jin dad’i tayi ganin zanenta yana samun karb’uwa, fita tayi ta koma WhatsApp ignoring messages tayi sai da ta turawa Lovien nata message d’in ban hak’uri kafin ta fara duba wasu ta na replying.
Sallahn isha’i ne ya tadata sanda ta idar zama tayi tayi tilawar haddarta kafin ta tashi, komawa gado tayi ta na kiran Ummu video call. Sun dad’e suna hira da iyayennata har ta ringa jin wata zazzafar kewarsu ta na kamata, har ta yanke shawarar ko 2 weeks bata k’arawa a Kaduna za taje gida hutun ai ya isa haka nan.
Around 9:30 Hajjah ta shigo da sallama bayanta kuma Yanah mai aikinta ne hannunta d’auke da tray madaidaici, wanda ba shakka abinci ne. Tana a kwancen da take amma yanzu k’afarta ta zuro ga rug d’in gaban gadonta sai bayanta ne kawai a kan gadon, ta na mai kallon sama har lokacin chat takeyi a school group d’insu.
Ko da suka shigo bata tashi ba sai da Yana ta ajiye kayan hannunta, ta fita kafin Hajjah ta zauna a gefenta wayar ta zare daga hannunta kafin tace ” b’oye-b’oye ba shi zai fisshe ki ba Lele, don yanayinki kawai ya nuna ba a samu nasara ba wacce kuma na tabbatar na shaida miki rashin tabbas d’in ta.”
Tashi zaune tayi tana jingina da board d’in gadon tabbas Hajjah ta gargad’eta a kan tunkarar Islaam da maganar soyayya amma tayi biris da gargad’in. Har gani take kamar babu mahalukin da zai tab’a rejecting d’in ta ashe motar alfa ta hau, gashi ta d’ebe ta ta dire a kwanar da babu rumfa balle ta samu mafaka.
Ajiyar zuciya ta sauke kafin cikin murya mai cikeda fargaba tace ” Hajjah kema kina ganin cewa wahal da kaina nakeyi ko?”. Gyad’a kai tayi ta bata amsa da ” ba zance wahal da kai kike ba but kusan hakan ne kuma ba zan lamunta sa kanki a damuwa da zakiyi a kan Burhaan ba.”
Idonta ne ya kawo ruwa ta shanye da k’yar tace ” ba zan iya jure rabuwa da shi ba Hajjah!”. Dafata tayi tace ” hakan kuma ya zamar miki dole, tunda dai ba manema kika rasa ba ki bawa wani dama kawai”, girgiza kai tayi tace ” a baya na gwada yin hakan sai dai ko iyawa banyi ba na gaza, Hajjah son da nakewa Yaa Islaam mai zafice irin wacce ban tunanin zan iya dainawa ko me zai min kuma zan daure”.
Kallon mamaki da tausayi ta bita dashi under her breath tayi muttering ” Álà bárgà càkkó ( Allah mai girma)”. Nisawa tayi tace ” nima kuma ba zan jura ganinki cikin damuwa a silar shi ba…..” Katseta tayi da cewa ” then help me have him,,,,that’s all I want”, shafa kanta tayi tace ” ki natsu ki kuma nemi zab’in Allah ki sawa kanki salama idan babu alkhairi a tattare daku sai ki yakice shi a rai da rayuwar ki”.
“In kuma shine alkhairi fa?” Ta tambaya cikin sanyin jiki, ajiyar zuciya ta sauke don ita a kullum mamakin irin son da Nadeefah takewa Burhaan take yi wacce bata tab’a jin irinta ba sai a hikayoyi ko k’agaggun labarai tashi tayi tace ” shi ma sai ki rok’i Allah na tabbatar zai fito miki da mafita”. Murmushi tayi kafin tace ” kece mafita ta Hajjah, kuma nasan kinsan yanda zakiyi”.
Girgiza kai tayi tace ” ba sai an kai can ba Lele, don ban fatar zubewar darajarki a idanuwanshi,,,,,ki ajiye wancan maganar a gefe maza sauko kici abinci”. A shagwab’e ta sakko don ta tabbatar Hajjah ta gama magana kuma zama tayi a nan k’asa tsakurar abincin tayi tayi, tea kawai ta cika cikinta dashi duk Hajjah na hankalce da ita. Yoh dama ya lafiyar kura balle tana zawo?, tun da can ita ba gwanar cin abinci bace tafi gane ta dura ma kanta tea ko kayan zak’i sai junks wanda bata rabuwa da siyansu ta tule, fridge din da ke art room d’in ta a shak’e suke dasu haka ma na d’akin ta. Trayn ta d’auka ta bi bayan Hajjah dashi tana tafe tana tunzura baki, bata tanka taba saima cemata da tayi sai da safe tunda ta lura yau ba zaa tayata firar ba balle a kwanta a gadonta.
Bata koma d’akin ta ba art room ta shige ta cigaba da aikin zanenta, sai da ta kammala sannan tayi murmushi tana tuno moment d’in yayinda ta k’ure abunda ta zana da idanuwanta. Hands d’insu da ya sark’e d’azu ne ta zana, hannunshi ya sanya ya rik’e wrist d’in ta yayinda ya sanya d’ayan hannun ya bud’e tafinta da shi kuma ya goge message d’in data tura mai.
Shafa aljihu tayi don ta ciro wayarta nan taji wayam, tsaki tayi tuno cewa a d’aki ta barta. Komawa tayi ta d’akko nan ta fara snapping d’in art d’in da kuma short videos komawa board d’in tayi tayi inscribing ” and the world stops the moment you hold my hand,,,,wishing it will be a moment that’ll last forever….. ( B&N ). a gefen hannun nasu.
Sake video tayi kafin tai covering board d’in maida komai mazauninshi tayi kafin ta kashe wutan d’akin, nata d’akin ta koma tana rungume da wayar. Alaigee ta turawa pic d’in tana son ai mata costumizing pouch d’in wayarta da shi sai da tayi payment kafin ta kashe datar ta tana jona wayar a charge ta kwanta cike da tunani.
Washegari wasai ta tashi sallatar subh tayi nan ta zauna kan dadduma tayi lazumi ta sake tilawa har sai da rana ya fito ruwan d’umi ta d’iba a dispenser ta d’iga zuma a ciki juyashi tayi ta shanye, kafin ta koma ta kwanta. Bata tashi ba sai 10am wankan da ta b’ata almost an hour tayi ta fito ko kafin ta fito har an gyara d’akin zama tayi a gaban mirror, tana pampering jikinta da mayuka na gyara kafin tayi simple makeup, walk-in closet d’in ta ta nufa.
Fitowa tayi shirye a cikin wata off-shoulder straight gown grey color mara slit sai flinting ta gaba, d’inkin ya zauna mata a jiki hakan sai ya sake fito mata da sirantarta zuryan. AC cap ta sanya bak’a kana ta fito zuwa parlor da tafiyarta that is more of cat walking.
A zaune ta tarda Hajjah da d’an sauri ta k’arasa gabanta ta na cewa ” Habibatie…!”, murmushi tayi tace ” har kin fito daga isolation d’in?”. Tura baki tayi ta zauna a gefenta tana d’aura kanta a wuyanta tace ” Sabahul khairi Jaddatiy..” Amsawa tayi da ” Sabahun Noor Sibd’atiy, kaifa anti”, Alhamdulillah ta amsa a hankali ta fara zuba shagwab’ar da ta zame mata sabo ba ta k’osa ba sai ma lallab’ata da tai tayi kamar wata k’wai kaf a jikokinta ita kad’ai take mata shagwab’a ta kuma saki jiki da ita sosai.
Ba wai bata sake musu bane Aa, ta dai fi sakewa da Lelen ne fiyeda kowa dukda ko cewa ba kusa suke ba amma wani lokacin hatta y’ay’anta ma basu san sirrinta like Lele ba, ba kuma wanda ya tab’a damuwa da hakan kasancewarta everyone’s fav. Kowa cikin so da k’aunarta yake haka ko kad’an ba a son b’acin ranta ko dan itace autar familyn oho?.
Breakfast sukayi cikeda shak’uwa sai bayan da suka gama ne ta dubi Hajjah cikeda nutsuwa tace ” Zanje Yerwa Complex yau”. Ok tace mata kawai mik’ewa tayi ta nufi ciki black veil kawai ta d’auko sai bag itama black k’afarta black Hermes ne ta rik’o car keynta da waya tafito. Adduar dawowa lafiya tayi mata ita kuma ta sumbaci cheeks d’inta ta wuce zuwa waje.
10 minutes drive ne daga Yerwa Estate zuwa Yerwa Complex, wanda mallakinsu su uku ne. 3 storey building ne eatery a ground floor sai Boutique sai kuma Salon, da yake ita d’in ba bak’uwa bace ko duba motarta ba ayi ba aka bud’e mata. Shiga tayi ta tarda parking lot d’in ba laifi da mutane, fitowa tayi nan wani security ya rik’o mata jakarta har ciki last floor ta hau inda nan k’aton saloon and spa d’in ta mai suna ” Yerwa’s touch” yake.
“Yerwa’s touch” babban wurin gyaran jiki da kwalliya ne wanda ake ji dashi a Kaduna, Abuja inda take da parmanent office. Wurin ya shahara ainun sannan natural and organic skincare services suke rendering like saloon, manicure and pedicure, dilka, halawa, turaren jiki, lalle, kitso har da makeup kana suna saida mayuka da kayan gyaran jiki. Specialists ne suke aiki a wurin haka zalika in baki ci kin tada kai ba ba zaki iya kai kanki wurin ba don ba k’ananan kud’i suke billing mutum ba amma kuma kwalliya tana biyan kud’in sabulu.
Yau akwai cikar mutane saboda sunday ce hakan yasa cleints sukai musu yawa, bata da appointment da kowa amma sai da ta fara lek’a koina ta tabbatar da aikin ya na tafiya kan tsari kafin ta koma office d’inta zama tayi ta na saita wayarta a jikin ring light ” short video tayi a kan skincare tare da bata wasu beauty tips for maintaining a good skin ba tayi editing ba tayi saving kafin ta kira Ummu, sun d’anyi magana mai tsayi kafin sukayi sallama.
Ta na ajiye wayar sai ga Suleim ta shigo bayanta kuma Zulfaa Adam Yerwa ce, da murmushi ta taresu baro kujerarta tayi suka baje akan sofar dake office d’in hira suke yi da tsokanar juna kamar wasu yara ( basu tada maganar jiya ba saboda Zulfaa dake wurin bata san Burhaan’s Saga ba).
A nan sukai sallahr Zuhr sukai order daga “Yerwa’s Cuisine” wanda Zulfaa take managing a ground floor yake, sai da suka ci sukai nak kafin suka fito su duka. K’asa suka sauka a “Yerwa Closet” dake first floor suka yada zango, zama sukayi suna cigaba da hira ita ko Lele fita tayi zuwa wajen sabbin kaya da aka kawo, little wardrobe shopping tayi kafin ta dawo ta zauna.
Sai after 3 kafin kowa ta koma bakin aikinta, editing vedion tayi tayi posting a tiktok, Instagram sai kuma WhatsApp storynta. Wasu ‘yan ayyuka ta tab’a kafin 5 ta rufo koina ” Yerwa Cuisine” ta tsaya ta amshi orderta kafin ta sauka zuwa motarta, kusan tare suka bar wurin dukansu harda Zulfaa d’in duk sauran floor d’in an yi closing banda eateryn wanda sai 11 pm ake rufewa hakan nema ya sanya yake k’asa ita ko Zulfaa 5 ta tashi sai dai in akwai uzuri shi ma bata wuce bayan Magrib ta tashi.
Maimakon ta nufi gida kai tsaye sai ta doshi wani street, wanda duk dai cikin estate d’in yake. Honk tayi mai gadi ya bud’e ya na zuba mata kirari, murmushi kawai tayi masa tana shigewa cikin gidan. Da d’an gudunta ta doshi parlorn tana cewa ” Ummatah!!”, ba kowa a ciki sai ‘yar wata yarinya k’arama tana sallama yarinyar ta taso ta na cewa ” Aunty Lele!”.
Dariya ta sanya ta rungume yarinyar ” Babyta!!”, suna zama a kujera nan yarinyar ta fara zuba ita ko sai biye mata takeyi tana shafa kanta. Hayaniyarsu ne ya fito da Umman dake d’akin ta tana cewa ” dama ince kamar muryar Lele “. Ta amsa da ” wallahi Umma ina wuni, ya gidan yaushe Meemah tazo?”. amsawa tayi da ” Alhamdulillah, ran Thursday Yayanku da yaje ya taho da ita da yake suna hutu” ayyah tace tana mai shafa kan Meemahn.
Ledan hannunta ta bawa yarinyar tana cewa ” ban san kinzo ba ai, but gobe zan kawo miki chocolate”. Yii tace ta na tsalle tareda nufar kitchen wurin maid d’in gidan don ta bud’e mata, cikeda so Umman tayi mata godiya ba ta kai da tankawa ba aka bud’e k’ofar parlorn.
Wani matashin saurayi mai matuk’ar kama da Burhaan ne ya fad’o parlorn, sai dai Burhaan ya fishi tsawo da cikar zati and face d’in shi a sake take. Haka muryanshi cike da karad’i yayi sallama, kafin a amsa ya afko yana cewa ” kuttt!!, no wonder gidan nan ya cika da k’amshi ashe K’amshin Yerwa ce ta ziyarcemu amma fa bakida kirki Girlie…..yacce kika san baki Estate d’in nan kin wani share mutane”.
Ko tsagaitawa baiyi haka yayita jero maganganu kamar fitar iska, Umma ce tace ” kai dai randa zaka natsu abun kallone walllahi ji yanda kake zubo zance kamar sabon aku”. Ta k’are zancen tana hararar shi, bai ko lura da hararar da take aika masa ba ya zauna gefen Lele da ta dafe goshi rank’washinta yayi yace ” zaki dafe goshi da kyau “.
Dafe inda ya rank’washeta tayi cikeda raki tace ” wayyo Ummahta yaci zalina!….” Umman tace ” wallahi Safwaan ka kiyayeni, daga shigowar ka zaka sa min ‘ya kuka?”. Kallonta yayi ta mai gwalo aiko shi ma a shagwab’en yace ” Umma gwalo fa take min…”.
Tsakin shi ce ta ankarar dasu yana parlorn wanda ita tun a shigowar shi taji kamar alamun yana wurin saboda k’amshin turarukan shi na boadecia the victorious da Roja dove Auod ya rigashi isowa sai dai tafi tunanin hancinta ne tunda ko sanda ta shigo k’amshinshi parlorn yake yi ko da taji yana k’aruwa kuma ta fi bawa Safwaan ne yayi using tunda sukan sata su fesa bai tab’a lura ba tunda shima k’amshin yakeyi.
Tare suka shigo da Safwaan sai dai shi ya tsaya amsa waya, yana shigowa yai katari da hayaniyarsu su biyu. Tab’e baki yayi yace ” birds of the same feathers….” sai dai kuma lura da yayi cewa in bai tsawatar musu ba ba saurarawa zasuyi ba tunda ba wani hankali ya cika ba hakan ya sa shi sakin tsaki.
Kallonshi Umma tayi tace ” Islaam tsakin shine sallamar kenan?”, girgiza kai yayi yace ” Aa nayi sallama hayaniyar wa’innan ne bai bari anji ba” yana mai sake sallamar. Amsawa sukayi duka Lele tace ” ina wuni Ya Islaam?”, lafiya ya amsa a takaice yana dosar kitchen. Kallo ta bishi dashi a fakaice sanye yake da wando 3 quarter black sai farar riga da ta samu kyakkyawan well built bodynshi tayi hugging d’inshi tight exposing his muscles k’afarshi sanye da b’akin crocs na Adidas mai matuk’ar tsada da laushi. Ajiyar zuciya ta sauke tana saukar da kanta k’asa, ruwa ya d’auko mai sanyi yana fita daga parlorn zuwa side d’insu sab’anin da da ya shigo da niyar ya zauna nan parlorn. Fitar tashi ko a dad’in Lele duk yanda take k’aunar ganinshi tana matuk’ar shakkan kasancewarsu guri d’aya don haka nan take jinta uncomfortable balle in ya dinga jifanta da deadly glares d’in shi.
Sun dad’e suna fira a parlorn sai da aka fara kiraye-kirayen Magrib ta fito daga parlorn tare suka fito da Safwaan, suna tafe hannunshi rik’e da wayarta wai yana air dropping ma kanshi abu. Duk yanda taso taga mai yake turawa ya hana, bata maida kai ba har suka k’araso motar ta nan ma sun dad’e suna zuba kafin taja motarta bayan ya mata alk’awarin zuwanshi gidan gobe da yamma.
Tsayawa yayi yana kallonta har ta bar gidan, ajiyar zuciya ya sauke feeling so empty yadda kasan wanda rabin jikinshi ya tafi ya bar shi. Bai k’i su dawwama har abada a tare da juna ba, murmushi yayi ya tabbatar pics da videos d’in da ya tura nata zasu iya sustaining d’in shi har sanda zasu had’u next jin ana shirin shiga masjid ne ya sanya yayi gaggawar jan jiki. Komai akan idanunshi suka faru, a zuciyarshi ya furta ” the earlier she realize who loves her the better for her!”, kafin ya janye jikinshi zuwa masjid shi ma.
Sanda ta shigo Hajjah ta shiga yin sallah, lek’ata tayi don shaida mata da dawowarta sai dai ta tarda ta ta kabbara sallah. Hakan yasa ta wuce nata room d’in, wanka tayi tareda wudhu fitowa tayi ta zura doguwar riga kafin ta daidaitu akan dadduma ta zura hijab tana kabbara sallahr da ake gab da idarwa.
Ko data idar ta dad’e akan dadduma tana jan carbi, har aka kira ishai gabatar da ita tayi kafin ta tashi. Zare rigar tayi ta sanya short gown b’aka ta fito hannunta rik’e da wayarta jikin Hajjah ta kwanta sai raki take mata. Kallonta tayi cikeda kulawa tace ” yau kin dad’e ai, har na shiga sallah ina zancenki “. Tashi tayi daga jikinta a d’an kunyace tace ” gidan Umma na biya,,,na kwana biyu ban lek’a ba”.
Da mamaki ta kalleta tace ” ki kaje gidan Aisha?, me kika je yi?, meyasa ba zaki iya rik’e ajinki bane wai Lele?, wulak’ancin da yayi miki jiya bai isheki ba har sai kin bishi gida?” ta k’arashe with bitterness.
A hankali tace ” Ni ba binshi nayi gida ba, Umma naje na gaida…” Ta katseta da ” baki ganshi ba kenan?” Girgiza kai tayi don ba zata iya mata k’aryan rashin ganin shi ba a d’an fusace tace ” wai bibiyar da kike masa shi ne zai sa ya soki ko me?,,,,shin baki san wofantar da darajar kikeyi a iska ba?,,,,,Lele wai ina hankalinki yake tafiya ne?”.
Runtse idanu tayi a take suka ciko da hawaye tace ” a kanshi bani da hankali, haka za cikar daraja tana tareda shi Hajjah banda wata rayuwa in ba dashi ba” cikeda tsiwa Hajjah tace ” to tun wuri ki sauka daga kan keken b’erar da kika hau don ba zai kaiki ga gaci ba,,,,ki kuma farka daga dogon barcin da kikeyi har ya kaiki ga mafarki in ba haka ba ke zaki kuka da hakan a nan gaba”.
Cikeda kukan tace ” bani na d’aurawa kaina ba fa nima Hajjah abun yana damu na don banda yanda zanyi ne…..” Sake katseta tayi da cewa ” ke ko kike da yanda zakiyi, ki kama kanki ki rik’e martabarki kana ki daina wahal da rayuwar ki”. Girgiza kai tayi tace ” Hajjah ba zan iya ba,,,,,shiyasa nake rok’onki ki taimaka min don nasan ke d’aya ce zaki iya”. Amsa ta bata da ” ba zan yi tab’a yin abunda kike so ba ba kuma zan sake maimaita miki ba,,,,,Ke wallahi daga yau ma kika kuma tada maganar sa sai na sab’a miki, ki bar ganin ina lallab’aki….” Ta a k’arashe cikeda gargad’i, a guje Lelen ta ruga zuwa d’akin ta yaraf ta fad’a akan gadon tana wani kuka mai cin rai. Da kallo Hajjah ta bita dukda tana tausayinta amma baza ta iya yin abunda take muradi ba don ita ce zatai kuka a nan gaba mafiyin wanda tayi a nan, gwara tayi kuka a yau gobe tayi dariya akan tayi kuka yau har goben ma kai har jibi ajiyar zuciya ta sauke tana fatan Allah ya kawo mata sauk’in wannan jaraba……..
Sai fa jaraba jama’a ina amfanin lik’ewa a inda baa san darajarka ba, yoh a na so dole ne? Haba wannan jalalar da mai tayi kama….? Inda ma zata bud’e idanunta da zuciyarta akwai fa masu sonta da yawa da k’aunarta amma ta dage a inda baa buk’atarta shifa haka so yake ko?