To Peace, With Love

DEAR PEACE.
It seemed like yesterday that we crossed the village stream to go to Uncle Ben’s farm, acting wild and eating half ripe mangoes directly from the tree without washing, although we knew Mama would be mad if she finds out, imagine how she would have gone on and on about the million diseases we could have contacted. Remember the time she caught me eating unwashed guavas and she made me take antibiotics? Dad just stood there with that half smile and the mischievous glint in his eyes as he pretended to agree with everything she said.

I can still remember the aroma of grandma’s delicious egusi soup that she so dedicatedly prepared when she heard about our journey despite her poor health, urging us to eat more than our poor tummies could carry but we all know that is how she expresses her affection. She never really stopped telling dad’s embarrassing childhood stories or how she wished you were a boy. She misses you.

Do you remember Chinedu? The tall, handsome, muscular guy that we used to spy on when he is working on the farm. Oh! How we giggled and oohed and aahed over his perfect abs. we never really said it but we both had a crush on him. Though at a point he showed a little interest in you, I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. I heard he is getting married next month, hard luck. The details of our last journey remained etched in my memory like it happened yesterday.

I can still hear your laughter echoing through the walls, that beautiful laugh that you reserve for those closest to you. You are a perfect contradiction, wild and crazy yet so gentle and calm. You had a beautiful singing voice as well, too bad we were the only ones who get to hear it, you should know I was joking when I told you, you sang like a dying frog.

Your collections of novels are still where you left them. Mama goes it every Sunday after church to dust and rearrange them, handling everything as if her life depended on it, Sometimes dad goes with her, don’t worry I hid all the mills and boons novels you don’t want them to see, it is somewhere under my bed. Dad tries his best to give us support but the sorrow in his eyes tells another story. He never said it but we knew you were his favourite.

The perfume you gave me on my Last birthday still stands on my bedside drawer, I rarely use it, it stands there as a reminder of what could have been. I read your diary almost every day, some of the things you wrote there were insane. I can’t believe that you had a crush on Mr David, no wonder you never told me. And I am sorry for the way I made you feel. I never knew.

You shined like a star, you had your flaws but you were a beautiful person, I don’t think you would have been who you are without them, I am sorry that the world made you feel otherwise. Your large heart was your biggest strength and also weakness, I admired your kindness and ability to love unconditionally but I hated the way you let others take advantage of you and the way you give endless chances to people who only hurt you over and over again. Your silly mood swings and your sometimes bitchy attitude used to make me want to push you off a cliff and pretend it was an accident. I hope you understood that even when we said mean things or ignored each other and pretend we didn’t care, I love you like no other.

The memory of the day you were diagnosed with stage four cancer still leaves behind a stabbing pain. I still remember how we cuddled on your bed that day and cried our hearts out, knowing we had so little time left. The day you left is the worst day of my life, as I promised you I didn’t cry but only because I couldn’t. My insides felt empty as if you snatched away my soul when you left. You fought cancer as hard as you could, but I guess we can’t control everything in life.

So many things have changed, but some still remained the same. Some of your friends visit sometimes Aisha, Janet, and Bilkisu and we still go out to eat every two weeks but it is never the same without you. I believe you are happy wherever you are and laugh out loud when I make silly decisions or crazy dance moves. We all miss you, more than words can express.

LOVE,

JOY